this is.

im a writer, and im an addict.
everyones quick to judge
when im alone i hear voices saying
all the things i do and what theyve heard
i'd love to turn around and let go of every word that
builds up inside me like the way im not really
someone fit to be followed, alright lets say
i was the person you think i am
what good would that do?
im fifteen and im into things
i shouldnt even know about yet,
theres always someone tellling me how chill i am
popularity does me no good, i want people to realize
that im not all about a party with music
or that im not proud of consuming
but my words are always twisted
there goes the reality train
you just missed it.
in all honesty im really
just a writer an addict and a human being.
i have no desire to be followed
id like to be alone
have ideas of my own
maybe even enlighten a few people
but whats intelligence to them?
the power of a book isnt stronger than
a substance that can get you hooked.
i can sit here and preach my struggles
even talk about how its not alright
but thats a waste of time
i rather sit here and keep up my fight,
its not me against the world
but its me against myself.

fdjkbfdfn

the wall i once let down is slowly being put back up,
im starting to question who comes with good intentions
and whos just here to set me back into the wrong ideas,
i remember planning out who i was going to be,
but that was before i saw what lay ahead of me
i've let things phase me for far to long,
im losing sleep on things that dont matter
i've always put the world before myself
ive never really been able to say no
the things i do contain more mind than heart
its rare that i do any good anymore
the hours go by and im in the same place
never really putting in a cent of effort,
im growing up in a generation
where imaginations tired
and inspiration is non existant
there was a time when i was lost
i thought i couldnt see what was to come
now im starting to feel that light again
you know the one that lies deep inside you
the light that requires no switch.

recent writing(:

dirty words and sick denial
i don't mean to brag about where i've been and what i've done
but i know that in my eyes there's always going to be a difference
make assumptions and show me what its like to run
teach me what its like to escape from whats real
show me how to avoid the way i feel
little secrets and white lies
i always knew that it wouldn't go down that way
i remember the way your lips would tremble under my gaze
and the way i could pick the lies out of everything you'd say
it makes me laugh at how you thought you'd get away
i'm not the one to be deceived
silly mind games and subliminal messages
did you forget that i always read between the lines
did you really think it was that easy
don't try to play the game with someone who can play it better
there's a bit of poison in all of my words
the girl inside me thought you were a good idea
but do you really think id let her
make a mistake like that your the lies that end the book
and im the introduction that's gets you hooked
you can say you did better but in reality you were always last.



i'm the ghost of Christmas past, the ghost of your memories, im the ghost thats fading fast, the ghost i didn't want to be. im the shadow in the back the whisper in the wind.
im the eerie silent laugh, the sweetest taste of sin.
remember me i'm your past, remember me im the ghost in this story, remember me don't take all the glory.



my fingertips are counting every time ive ever made a mistake
i'm starting to run out of fingers, i want to erase bits and pieces
of what is called my past, but it would change my unwinding future.
i'm not searching for happiness but i'm not waiting either
is there another way of putting that? i don't think so.
i'm mindlessly going from place to place
ranting on about what i could've done better
or whining about how bad turned to worse
on the surface there's only smiles
and on the inside there's hidden hope.
there's numbers in my head
they're counting how many times i can repeat
the same thing and never do a thing about it.
ther'es a hundred reasons behind each smile
and a thousand behind each tear.
my mind runs for miles
and notices its lost
lost behind the shadows of my own fears
but finding its way through the open road
the road of my thoughts.