melancholy is for the restless

that feeling in my stomache wont leave me
im asking it nicely to go away but it gives no reply
leaving me speechless with no movement
with my eyes i keep searching for what isnt there
half heartedly hoping for something to appear

i remember the way my smile would brighten
when i was dreaming and no one understood
i keep my memories in my wallet along with
my heart and my money, its not a very safe place
but they say in life you have to take your chances

i cant say i miss my past, but i can say im excited for my future
but i have to admit im just a bit afraid
over the years i can only think of a few things ive learned
for instance not to trust who you dont know
and not to wear your heart on your sleeve
i guess we can say i learned both the hard way

but what is life without a few tears
life can be beautiful if you see it as a work of art
each tear is like a newly painted ocean view
and every smile is like the sun coming out
from behind the clouds

those who are afraid to sin
are only afraid of the sweet taste
have you ever had the satisfaction
of knowig you did something wrong?
its a rush of excitement
the type of excitement that makes you bite down on your lips
and slowly you become proud of being a sinner

hm

when im alone i have the world in my hands
when your around i feel weak and in need
its that time of the year where just a simple i love you
can make your day brighter, not everyone is made to love
but sometimes you can be taught to do so
in just one heart lie a thousand dreams
and in each dream lies a million wishes
they say dreams are better than reality
but how can that be so if when you awaken
you feel so much worse than you did before you fell asleep
you send chills up and down my spine
making me afraid of what i start to feel
all the words that have been said, running through my mind
i want to beleive its real, but i dont like to play games
i constantly phsyke myself out of feeling anything
due to the fact that whenever i do feel something
everything just falls to the floor
thinking about this kinda thing makes me uneasy
its not even that im scared to be broken
its just that i dont want to waste time
that i know ill be wanting back later
time seems to be all that matters
when you have your heart broken
i dont beleive your sad because they left
i beleive your sad because of the time youve wasted
im never angry with them, im angry with myself
because sometimes i live up to whats expected from someone my age
i cant help but to have a weak heart and give in
although sometimes im stubborn theres always a guarantee
that youll get your chances

2009 is almost over

im a little bit of everything
im part of the moon the sun and the sea
im a song all in itself
im the secret everyone tells
im young and incomplete
i go on living day by day
never really knowing the purpose
ever single word i say
will pass me by like the wind
every thing i do is almost sweeter than sin
but after every year im still alive
and sometimes its life i dont even want.

inner thoughts

im constantly dodging bullets
sometimes i stay in dark corners
to keep my heart from getting hit
so young and naive, we all are

my heart knows nothing of love
my thoughts soar with the birds
way up high where no one can reach them
my voice is the loudest but still no one listens

life is not a journey it is something better
everyday is the start of something new
but sometimes we just cant let go of the old

as the time has gone by ive looked into millions of eyes
and in each stare ive always found something different
everyone has a different voice a different pitch and a different tone
but so many people have the same message

reality is the fruit of life
sometimes it may be sweet or maybe even bitter
and then there will be days when it is flavorless

we're all searching for a place where everything feels perfect
but that place doesnt exist, we come close to it
but we never quite get there
over time well find a place where we are comfortable
and just that alone will be enough to last us.

for the heart broken

your whispering voice dwells in the back of my thoughts,
your sweet words swimming around in my dreams,
the way our eyes would meet like the sunset meets the ocean
heart breaks lullaby cant be silenced,
the shadow of our past memories come over my smile causing it to fade away,
it was once you and i
but now its just me and heartbreaks lullaby.

mind over matter

there's tension in this room
the walls are all pitch black
not the normal case of boring shades of white
i approach the closest corner inspecting every detail
of the rooms eerie silence, hoping to maybe find an answer
i've noticed this room has no lights nor open windows
the room begins to speak, its words very similar to my own
i close my eyes in attempt to dismiss this rooms disturbing image
but once theyre closed all i see is the same silent black room
thats when i realized where i was, this wasnt just a room
it was where my thoughts quietly layed
this dark quiet room was my mind.

friend.

i wokeup on a sunday morning and thought to myself
i thought about how much a smile is worth
and how the sky isnt always blue
but then i remembered that the sun still shines
the grass is greener on the other side
but the hills are to high to climb
give me a hand and we can go together
sure it'll take some time
but you and me we'll make it better
side by side our hopes will rise
well make it through the high tides
together were like shooting stars
bright and beautiful
but alone were like the lonely night sky
your the beat to my drum
the blood in my veins
its a little more than love
its undefinable
and definately unexplainable
but its something im sure of
nothing near magic
but something close to happiness
just this has no end.

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unecessary commentary is a part of life.
the way that people know if youve done wrong or right
your just a dreamer with very high hopes
the worlds just there to catch you at your lowest lows
imagination is the key to your heart
your mind is just another lonely work of art
life can never really be explained
were on a spin cycle every day tends to be the same
intuition is always what you want
its not going to be right every time
and the feeling in your chest is not pain
its the conscious near your heart because you dont feel the same
as we grow older things dont change, people change
its not bad its simply different.

paradise

if i am a butterfly, where are my wings?
ive only reached the highest highs in my mind
id like to soar through the calmest towns
and walk through the busiest streets
id like to over look the ocean closely
as if a magnifying glass i was holding
maybe leave my imprints in the sand
to show where ive been and where ive ran
id like to whisper in a birds ear
share a secret with a lion
and with a bear shed a tear
maybe have a smile spread across my face
whered does it exist this lovely place
hide and seek is a thrilling game
but not when your playing everyday
id like to find paradise
the beautiful place that lives at night
id like to laugh id like to cry
in the wonderful place that caught my eye
what if this place was only in dreams
or a fictional fantasy that came to me
could this place ever be real
a place where im not afraid to look and feel
take me back to paradise the place where i can sleep
take me back to paradise the place where beauty really is skin deep.

modern thoughts forgotten generations

"individual" now comes in bunches.
mysteries come without a plot
prediction is unecessary
because everythings already figured out.
theres no jury in the court
everyones been proven guilty
theres no room for a last resort
everyones to blind to see
secrets dont exist
theres no loyalty anymore
goodnight no longer ends with a kiss
it ends on his bedroom floor
there are no sheep to count before bead
only unexplainable images in their heads.
no ones in their right mind because their mind left
doors dont ever open they only close
clocks dont tell time they just impose
what happened to the days when a smile meant the world
where did the time go? did it run away?
what happened to the days when joy had no price
where did hope go, now were always wishing for better days.

one

i only feel beautiful in the dark
where there are no lights to uncover every detail
i feel most capable when im alone
when theres no one to make me feel discouraged
i feel smartest when only my thoughts are present
because theres no other mind near me
i bring solitude upon myself
simply because its sweeter
because being alone requires no acceptance
when one is alone no walls need to be put up
when im alone i feel brilliant
when surrounded i feel insecure
loneliness isnt bad
it gives you time to see what your really made of

takahashi

i feel alone like the number one
its only been a little while
but i already miss you love
my bestfriend my other half
the reason for my smile
living life with you in it
is the best way to live life
i cant count the number
of times youve made me
feel like making you dissapear
but the times youve made me
feel alive are so much more
valuable than life itself
id never make it alone
id never make it without listening to your voice
id never make it without your joy
your the living proof of my lifes purpose
i always thought you were the angel that saved me
now that your not near me everyday
i feel like im misunderstood
its like ive gone mad
because my life has no meaning without
you your the only person whos
ever known me like the back of their hand
you and me were going to go places in life
were going to fullfill our dreams
i hope your my bestfriend forever
and even if its impossible
youve already given me enough
to remember youve taught me a lot
and i know that even if your not always here
i can count on you i know it sounds a bit cliche
but i love you because youve given me hope
when ive been low and youve given me
loyalty honesty and a reason to look foward to tomorrow.

this is.

im a writer, and im an addict.
everyones quick to judge
when im alone i hear voices saying
all the things i do and what theyve heard
i'd love to turn around and let go of every word that
builds up inside me like the way im not really
someone fit to be followed, alright lets say
i was the person you think i am
what good would that do?
im fifteen and im into things
i shouldnt even know about yet,
theres always someone tellling me how chill i am
popularity does me no good, i want people to realize
that im not all about a party with music
or that im not proud of consuming
but my words are always twisted
there goes the reality train
you just missed it.
in all honesty im really
just a writer an addict and a human being.
i have no desire to be followed
id like to be alone
have ideas of my own
maybe even enlighten a few people
but whats intelligence to them?
the power of a book isnt stronger than
a substance that can get you hooked.
i can sit here and preach my struggles
even talk about how its not alright
but thats a waste of time
i rather sit here and keep up my fight,
its not me against the world
but its me against myself.

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the wall i once let down is slowly being put back up,
im starting to question who comes with good intentions
and whos just here to set me back into the wrong ideas,
i remember planning out who i was going to be,
but that was before i saw what lay ahead of me
i've let things phase me for far to long,
im losing sleep on things that dont matter
i've always put the world before myself
ive never really been able to say no
the things i do contain more mind than heart
its rare that i do any good anymore
the hours go by and im in the same place
never really putting in a cent of effort,
im growing up in a generation
where imaginations tired
and inspiration is non existant
there was a time when i was lost
i thought i couldnt see what was to come
now im starting to feel that light again
you know the one that lies deep inside you
the light that requires no switch.

recent writing(:

dirty words and sick denial
i don't mean to brag about where i've been and what i've done
but i know that in my eyes there's always going to be a difference
make assumptions and show me what its like to run
teach me what its like to escape from whats real
show me how to avoid the way i feel
little secrets and white lies
i always knew that it wouldn't go down that way
i remember the way your lips would tremble under my gaze
and the way i could pick the lies out of everything you'd say
it makes me laugh at how you thought you'd get away
i'm not the one to be deceived
silly mind games and subliminal messages
did you forget that i always read between the lines
did you really think it was that easy
don't try to play the game with someone who can play it better
there's a bit of poison in all of my words
the girl inside me thought you were a good idea
but do you really think id let her
make a mistake like that your the lies that end the book
and im the introduction that's gets you hooked
you can say you did better but in reality you were always last.



i'm the ghost of Christmas past, the ghost of your memories, im the ghost thats fading fast, the ghost i didn't want to be. im the shadow in the back the whisper in the wind.
im the eerie silent laugh, the sweetest taste of sin.
remember me i'm your past, remember me im the ghost in this story, remember me don't take all the glory.



my fingertips are counting every time ive ever made a mistake
i'm starting to run out of fingers, i want to erase bits and pieces
of what is called my past, but it would change my unwinding future.
i'm not searching for happiness but i'm not waiting either
is there another way of putting that? i don't think so.
i'm mindlessly going from place to place
ranting on about what i could've done better
or whining about how bad turned to worse
on the surface there's only smiles
and on the inside there's hidden hope.
there's numbers in my head
they're counting how many times i can repeat
the same thing and never do a thing about it.
ther'es a hundred reasons behind each smile
and a thousand behind each tear.
my mind runs for miles
and notices its lost
lost behind the shadows of my own fears
but finding its way through the open road
the road of my thoughts.